A Stranger’s Impact: How Small Encounters Can Make All the Difference

When I was first diagnosed with cancer, I wrote a blog and even made a TikTok and YouTube video about what not to say to people with cancer. One piece of advice that remains unchanged is this: do not tell anyone with cancer to "stay positive." I absolutely hate that statement. However, I have evolved in my perspective on other matters.

In the beginning, when I lost my hair, I was extremely self-conscious and hated anyone looking at me. Over time, though, I am not sure if it is the blog that helped remove much of this stigma or if I have simply evolved as a person living with the disease. Either way, I have grown more comfortable in my own skin.

I was recently at Sprouts (a health food store) and felt someone staring at me. You know that feeling when you can literally sense the heat of someone’s eyes on the back of your neck? When I turned around, a man said, “Can I ask you something?” Confused, I said, “Sure.” He continued, “I am sure you get asked this all the time, but what does this”—pointing to my head—“do exactly?”

My first thought was, "No, asshole, no one has ever asked me that," and I felt humiliated. But the smile he gave was kind, not menacing or teasing. He genuinely wanted to know. I took a deep breath and explained what it did and what it was for. He was genuinely interested and then said, “I wanted to tell you that you hold yourself with so much confidence, and you should be proud of yourself.” He shook my hand and wished me a speedy recovery.

He went his way, and I went mine. I walked to the car with a smile, eager to tell my husband about the encounter. When I shared the story, he said, “I tell you this all the time.” And he is right; he does. He often gives me advice, but I do not always listen.

It is interesting how those who love us the most often show us the most grace, yet we sometimes hesitate to accept it. I have been struggling with giving myself grace recently, and I believe we first need to learn to accept the grace others show us before we can extend it to ourselves and to others.

Sometimes, a stranger can make all the difference, but it is also a reminder that we need to pay attention to the people around us. When we are trying to give ourselves grace, it is often already being given to us; we just need to learn to accept it.