How My Ordeal with the HOA Revealed Peoples Lack of Empathy

I have never felt like the world, including myself, lacked empathy more than after my cancer diagnosis and seeing my dad deal with his Parkinson’s diagnosis. Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t judge me until you have walked a mile in my shoes”? That saying pretty much sums up what empathy is all about.

While dealing with my HOA, aka the devil Management Company, I started thinking about empathy and how many of us seem to lack it. Many people with glioblastoma experience "brain fog," which affects short-term memory, making it hard to remember things like bills and dates. I was late paying my HOA fee and tried to explain that I was going through a lot, only to be told (paraphrasing), "Don't use cancer as an excuse to be five days late." This response made me wonder: When did empathy go out the door, replaced by a focus on the bottom line? Have people become so callous and jaded that empathy is no longer expected?

Empathy is generally described as the ability to take on another person's perspective, to understand, feel, and possibly share and respond to their experience. It often gets confused with sympathy, which is defined as the perception of, understanding of, and reaction to the distress or need of another life form. In short, sympathy means feeling pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.

Why does this difference matter? Because empathy and sympathy are not the same and mistaking one for the other can lead to a lack of genuine support for those who need it most. Think about it: when someone is going through a tough time, like a serious illness, what they often need is not your pity (sympathy) but your understanding (empathy). Sympathy might make you feel bad for them, but empathy compels you to understand what they are feeling and to be there for them in a meaningful way.

Since my diagnosis, I have had a few instances where people have shown great empathy. They did not want anything in return; they just wanted to be there for me. These moments were incredibly powerful and comforting. Empathy means listening without judgment, offering support without trying to fix things, and simply being present. It means imagining what the other person is going through and responding with kindness and understanding. It is about connecting on a deeper level, making someone feel seen and heard, rather than just offering superficial comfort.

Why is empathy so important for people going through a hard time? Because it makes them feel less alone. When you are struggling, knowing that someone understands your pain can be incredibly validating and comforting. It provides a sense of connection and support that sympathy alone cannot achieve. Next time you encounter someone facing a tough situation, remember the difference between empathy and sympathy. Instead of just feeling sorry for them, try to put yourself in their shoes. Understand their feelings, share their burden, and be there for them in a meaningful way. That is what true empathy is all about, and it is something we could all use more of in this world. Do not be like the devil HOA Management company; rise above and show empathy for your fellow humans.