My Inner Pessimist

I have always prided myself on being honest and caring, as I was in the situation I am about to share. However, what happens when honesty is used as a weapon or turned against you? Recently, I received some news that has been weighing heavily on my mind. While I won't go into specifics, it centered around my cancer diagnosis and whether I should continue doing something I love. Although the conversation seemed to come from a place of concern, I can't shake the feeling that there might have been another motive behind it. This leaves me questioning whether it's my inner pessimist at work or if I genuinely need to be more guarded about who I trust and what I share.

Dealing with my diagnosis is challenging enough but having to constantly be on guard makes it even harder. It raises the question: do people always have your best interests at heart, and when is it appropriate to be guarded? This ongoing struggle with my diagnosis permeates my daily life, filling me with pensiveness, sadness, and anxiety. While I do a good job of hiding it from most people, my husband sees through it.

My husband often has me listen to Joe Dispenza, and one phrase that resonates with me is, “Change as a choice, instead of a reaction.” This hits home because lately, I have been reacting to everything around me—whether it is work, finances, personal matters, or spirituality—rather than making deliberate choices.

So, how do I take back control of my life and make things happen on my own terms? It is daunting to try something new, whether that is traveling to find oneself, jumping into a new career, or simply focusing on personal growth. Navigating the unknown is always difficult, but Joe Dispenza offers another powerful quote: “The best way to predict your future is to create it, not from the known, but from the unknown. When the mind is open to the unknown, it can imagine all possibilities.”

This perspective inspires me to embrace the unknown and take proactive steps toward creating the life I want, rather than merely reacting to circumstances. It is like solving a complex puzzle, but I cannot shake the lingering feelings of pessimism.