The First Agreement: Be Impeccable with Your Word

When I began reading The Four Agreements, I intended to write after completing each of the first two agreements. However, I soon realized that each agreement offers so much depth and requires extensive discussion and explanation. Although the book is small and concise, it is filled with profound meaning that is difficult to convey in a single blog post. Prepare yourself for numerous analogies, which I loved as they enhanced the visual imagery and made the concepts easier to grasp. It is essential to approach the book with an open mind. The first agreement asks us to be "impeccable" with our words. But what does this mean?

The word "impeccable" has been part of the English language since the 16th century, deriving from the Latin word "impeccabilis." This Latin term combines the prefix "in-" (meaning "not") and the verb "peccare" (meaning "to sin"). "Peccare" has other English descendants, such as "peccadillo," meaning "a slight offense," and "peccant," meaning "guilty of a moral offense" or simply "faulty." Another related term is "peccavi," which comes directly from Latin, where it literally means "I have sinned." In English, "peccavi" functions as a noun meaning "an acknowledgment of sin."

So, what does it mean to be "impeccable" with our words?

To be "impeccable" with our words means to be without sin in our speech. It involves speaking with integrity, honesty, and kindness. This means avoiding lies, gossip, and harmful language. Instead, we should use our words to spread truth, love, and positivity. By doing so, we respect ourselves and others, creating a positive impact with our communication. Essentially, being impeccable with our words requires us to be mindful of the power of language and to use it responsibly and ethically.

So, this all sounds good in theory, but like many people, my favorite pastime can sometimes involve a bit of gossip. I am also quick to react when provoked, and I often seek revenge when I am angry. This may sound harsh, but I am just being truthful. If you look within yourself and recall the last time you got mad or the words you said, you might find the same is true for you.

I am not saying that my reactions are justified or correct. The chapter reflects on this, reminding us that we are all human. When we react this way, we end up hurting ourselves, the people we love, and even those we do not, which is just bad all around. The book focuses on how to become the best version of yourself, and this agreement is probably the strongest and the hardest to change.

When I got cancer, I was mad. I am still mad. It makes me react in ways I have never reacted before. It is not because I am mad at the person, but because I am mad at my situation. Have you ever heard the saying, "misery loves company"? Well, I am guilty of this. I am so pissed. I try to curb these thoughts and emotions and not take them out on unsuspecting people, but it is hard.

Changing this behavior starts with acknowledging and accepting your feelings. It is natural to be angry and frustrated, especially when dealing with something as challenging as cancer. However, it's essential to recognize that while these emotions are valid, they don't have to control your actions.

1. Self-Awareness: Begin by identifying the triggers that lead to negative reactions. Keep a journal to track moments when you feel anger or frustration. Understanding these triggers can help you anticipate and manage your responses.

2. Mindfulness and Meditation: Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded in the present moment, reducing the intensity of your reactions. Meditation, even for a few minutes a day, can help you develop greater emotional control and inner peace.

3. Positive Self-Talk: Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. When you catch yourself feeling angry or bitter, remind yourself of your strength and resilience. Affirmations like "I am in control of my emotions" or "I choose peace over anger" can be powerful.

4. Healthy Outlets: Find constructive ways to express your emotions. Physical activities like walking, running, or yoga can be excellent outlets for releasing pent-up anger. Creative pursuits such as painting, writing, or playing music can also provide a therapeutic release.

5. Seek Support: Talk to a therapist or join a support group where you can share your feelings with others who understand your situation. Sometimes, simply talking about your emotions can provide relief and perspective.

6. Practice Empathy: Try to see things from the perspective of those around you. Understanding that others may not fully grasp your situation can help you respond with more patience and kindness.

7. Set Boundaries: It is okay to distance yourself from negative influences or situations that exacerbate your anger. Setting healthy boundaries can protect your emotional well-being.

8. Develop Coping Strategies: Create a list of coping mechanisms for when you feel overwhelmed. This could include deep breathing exercises, taking a walk, or listening to calming music.

9. Focus on Gratitude: Shifting your focus to what you are grateful for can help balance your emotions. Keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you are thankful for each day.

10. Professional Help: Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you find it difficult to manage your emotions. A therapist or counselor can provide strategies and support to help you navigate your feelings.

Remember, change takes time and effort. Be patient with yourself as you work towards becoming more impeccable with your words and actions. Each small step you take towards managing your emotions is a significant victory in your journey.