The Third Agreement: Don't Make Assumptions

The Third Agreement: Do not Make Assumptions I have probably mentioned this many times while reading the book, but many of these agreements resonate with me. I am the king of making assumptions. What I did not understand initially is that we do this all the time, especially in our relationships. There was a strong statement in this chapter: “We do not need to justify love; it is there or not there. Real love is accepting others the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, it means we really do not like them.” It is important to use common sense when reading this. For example, I do not think the author means trying to get a spouse to stop smoking or to make a change for the better to improve a healthy lifestyle, but rather trying to change a person's personality or who they are as an individual.

I am lucky that my husband loves me no matter what. Although I sometimes wish he were not so loud, hugged me more often, or did little things around the house (as he wishes too), these are my issues, not his. The book touches on this. I have made assumptions about how he should be rather than just accepting how he is. I need to work on this, and he has done the same about me. We typically do not even talk about these things that irritate us until they become a huge fight or an argument because I assume he should just know. Again, these are my assumptions. But even after discussing it, if he does not change, that is okay too. I can choose to deal with it or not, and then I need to make that agreement.

The author does an amazing job of providing a template for how you want to live your life, calling them agreements. These agreements are like mental contracts you create for yourself. The book focuses on four specific agreements. While many say they are based on common sense, making them a reality in everyday life is a completely different story.

To create the third agreement, "Don't Make Assumptions," based on the book "The Four Agreements," you can start by asking questions instead of assuming you know the answers. Communicate clearly with others to avoid misunderstandings. Practice active listening and be open to different perspectives. Recognize when you are making assumptions and challenge those thoughts. Lastly, cultivate a mindset of curiosity and humility, understanding that everyone has their own unique experiences and viewpoints.

This will be a work in progress, but I plan to listen more to my husband and talk less. It will be a struggle, but I know I can do it. If cancer has taught me anything, it's to start listening to the world around me.