The Waiting Game!

Cancer is a challenging experience, but the waiting game makes it even more unbearable. Every minute, every day, every week feels like an endless stretch of waiting—for the next shoe to drop. I try to remind myself of the famous advice to "stay positive," but it is incredibly difficult when you are caught in this constant state of uncertainty.

I keep myself busy, trying not to show any sadness, and fighting to keep my thoughts from overwhelming me. But this waiting has drained me completely. I am constantly exhausted, struggling to stay focused. Sometimes, I find myself staring at my husband, trying to remember what he is saying, only for my thoughts to drift to what might happen to me, to us.

I have booked so many trips over the next six months to keep us occupied. I take on projects and do whatever I can to stay focused. I think my husband thinks I am recklessly buying things, but it is all just to keep my mind busy—and, well, who does not like new stuff?

Lately, the sadness has been overwhelming. I wish I knew what was going to happen to me. People often say, "We all die eventually," but not everyone is facing terminal cancer. Not everyone is in this predicament. Honestly, I sometimes wish a car would just take me out because I do not want to know what is coming. That is the hardest part.  I usually try to end on a positive note, but aside from the trips to keep my mind occupied, I am not sure there is anything positive about this waiting game. Stay strong.